I believe the author did well with the descriptions and plot. There is detailed information of what the characters do and the location of the story. For example, the text says, “No one had ever kissed her like this before. Not Patrick. Not Gary. Not any of their predecessors. Cory’s lips ignited fires deep in her belly, shooting fireworks through every nerve ending, and turning her knees to gelatin. If not for his strong arms encircling her waist or her arms latched around his neck, she’d have melted to the floor” or “The music faded as Cory led her out to his truck. Crickets serenaded them and stars twinkled overhead in the Texas sky.” Also, the part of the dialogue “all man should crush and burn” to me sounds believable. Let’s be honest, women talk in this way with their friends about men when they are angry or deceived.
Then, in the same way that some parts of the story are fine, other parts need revision of some phrases or words. In the story, some phrases sound like clichés. For example, in the story, it says, “He put his fingers over her mouth, shushing her. ‘You’ve never fallen head over heels in love at first glance before?’ He stroked her hair. ‘Me neither. I think you’ve bewitched me.’” To me, the words “first glance” and “bewitched” are very cliché. Another is to show more and not tell. There are parts that are directly told to the reader.
I have many unanswered questions. I know some endings are not precisely clear and have an intentional air of mystery, but this ending leaves me with questions like what happened to the characters? Will they see each other again? Why did it end this way? I believe the ending should finish differently.
Reference
Hopper, Elaine (2022). Brazen. Retrieved from:
http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/Braz.shtml#3
Cantos by Ericka Koehler 